I Know

I know she is in Heaven with Jesus and that is just great! GREAT!  Thank you for reminding me! As a Christian I should find this awfully comforting and I know it would be awful if she wasn't a woman of God. I know she is in Heaven but, I had peace knowing she was here! She was here and in some ways she was my conscious, my recipe book, my Google, my loyal life coach and a phone call away, even without a cell. I want her here....if only for a few more days.  I need here here to repeat the stories that she had told me for the umpteenth time at Thanksgiving because, I forgot them! I tried telling them to Harry and I forgot....she told them so much better. I am just so mad I can't stand it!  I remember a lot of the memories but, I forgot some too.  What is wrong with my brain? She could recite paragraphs of lines from her fourth grade play at 91 and I can't even remember a simple story she told me at 31! Maybe the Diet Coke is getting into my brain???
Life goes on and the world turns and we deal.  I am dealing, I knew this would be hard...but I am still sad...there is an emptiness inside. Don't judge me.
When I was little and wanted to fake cry...I knew all I had to think about was "what if Grandmother died"! Isn't that sick?? I did though...I knew when I was little that the worst thing that could happen to me was having my grandmother die!  Sick...but true at the time.
I think being snowed in is making it worse...I need to get busy and back to normal.
A few things that make it better are some things she told me at Christmas.
She looked at me the day we left her house and said, "Amanda, seeing your family makes me more happy than anything else in the world." I know that wasn't completely true but, I do know she loved my family.  She wrote Chad one of the kindest notes a person could get at Christmas and demanded to hold Georgia Kelley any chance she could.  She also told us to take her picture with GK a few times! We had the most bonding moment discussing how much we love each other and how amazing our relationship had been.  We realized that Chad and I had went to visit her six times that year. That is a lot for us, we live so far.  I am beyond thankful for times at Christmas.  I don't really know what Christmas Eve is like without Grandmother there or without being at her Christmas tree.
I wanted so badly to call her this morning! Chad made her gravy....didn't turn out so well. These are days I would call her! I made chocolate gravy....she would be so proud I cooked for Chad! HA!  She told Mom at Thanksgiving she felt at peace knowing I was okay.  This meaning it was okay for her to leave because I was in good hands.  She was right but, I miss her.
I hope my blog can go back to normal but for now you are therapy. 
My prayer tonight is people who lose loved ones that impacted their lives.