Getting Real

I have used this blog to brag on my family, share my thoughts, share my life adventures, and today i want to share with you my faith. I know my few readers know I love God and strive to live by Biblical principals but, I want to share what has gotten me to the point to want to be a God chaser. So it is no surprise to anyone who knows me that I struggle with bridling my tongue. I say things that should not have been verbalized and end up apologizing to someone on a weekly basis for saying something that should have been left unsaid. On another side God has given me the spirit of being bold. I don't practice it near as often as I should but I am getting more confident speaking truth. Do I wish I was quieter kinder softer and more passive ....yes I do! Is God teaching me when to use my gifts more?? Yes he is!! I learned at the age of 16 that I wanted to follow Christ. In the last 15 years I have had a roller coaster of a time finding my path and needless to say the jumping on and off the fence has given me a spiritual workout!! I struggled in college the most. I will always say the best gift my parents gave me was the freedom to spend my three summers on the mission field. No, not overseas or cool places to add to my travel list(I did that too) but, at a campbin AR that served kids who came from all over and mainly from foster homes. It was what I loved the most about college. The pouring of all my energy love and knowledge of Christ into teens. I got to see God's hand at work and seeing Him change lives was filling. I built relationships with peers who loved God and walked the walk of serving the Lord humbly without any entitlement. I would go back to school and struggled with "friends" who thought I was too out there. I won't go into detail but it was hard for me to carry out my hearts desire in a place that felt so judged. Praise God I lived with girls who loved me and supported my active need not only talk about Christ's will for our lives but peruse it. Now I want to fast forward to me with Chad! I married the perfect spirituAl partner!! He loves my testimony(not posting that just yet) and respects my desire to be active in faith. He is open minded and has a huge heart to serve and grow in Christs knowledge! He is wise and full of integrity. I am very opinionated and  talking about God is very much apart of my daily life. The sad part is I don't feel like I can talk about God's activeness in my life with people who are closest to me. I mean family. I am not very close to anyone who I can't speak about His truths with. I believe the people love God and some are very active in their churches but when I converse with them I don't get the impression I want. With that said I crave to be around Godly people. I especially crave the ones who make every field a mission to serve Christ. I am disgusted by greed, self righteousness, selfishness and the chase for the "American dream" or worldly norms. I say those things because I know I struggle with them too. I try really hard to not judge motives but I am disgusted by hypocritical Christians who chase worldly pleasures.... I am sure these emotions strike because I see the same sin in my own life!! I hope the readers who read this and see me not living out Christ will kindly tell me so I can change. I mean it! I would take a Christian sharing their insight of my lifestyle in love more than I would just thinking about it! There is your open door...I will respect your perspective. I will say God has blessed me with very wise women who I seek counsel with and time with weekly. I had some couples in college who constantly filled me with truth that I still remember and live by. Chad and I had phenomenal marriage counseling that has saved us some sleepless nights. My closest relationships are with women at church who live Godly lives and spend time with me that I savor weekly. Another outlet I use to be encouraged by is women from other churches who love the Lord! These women have shared their wisdom with me through Bible studies, books, and Podcasts!! Chad and I are loving our Podcasts. It can be very easy to get stuck with one perspective and miss out on hearing God's message. Another blessing from God to bring me to where I am now is the Biblical principles that my parents were raised on and i inherited. I love how God's Word has all my answers and every time I realize that I fall more in love with it. Billy Graham said( I am paraphrasing) if you offered me a plate of crumbs and I just ate a steak I would say no thanks. The same with Christ. If I am filled with Christ then I am not going to want the sin. The discipline and sacrifice of self have been the hardest part in getting over the fence and on the path God wants me on. Praise Him for putting people in my life who have spoken truth to me even if I didn't feel ready for it. I have to note that God has given me great Christian friends and even more than that he has given me spiritual friends.  I have one who I talk to daily and every day it is how God is working in our lives and what his will is for our mission.  We both feel a passion for women's ministry....one I don't think either of us saw coming!  I have had a blast with it!  Chad said it and I think he may be on to something, my life experiences and love for learning and teaching has brought me to this calling.  I don't believe I am wise or insightful but, I love studying God's word.  I love watching God move in people's lives. I got really bitter during and after college with the whole let's talk and do God's will at church but, when we are away from the "saints" let's just be "normal".  I fell victim to it at times and hate it at the same time.  Is that saying I hate myself.  No! It is saying I hate the sin. I hate the sin that is in me. I have learned that God is enough.  Did I want a new home, closer to town, a bit bigger, a bit prettier...yes...has God shown me that his will is enough and I don't "need" a new home! YES! That is a story all in itself!  Do I sometimes wish I went to a more dynamic church that had  more opportunities for my kids...yes but, God is enough! He has called me to be where I am and that is enough!   He is enough! I don't have a desire to hunt for new friends because, what I have is enough and the blessings he has given me are enough.  Now, will he put new friends in my life and take others out....absolutely! Will we move to a bit nicer house, I am sure of it, but I am content with where I am now, with my career, my family, my belongings, plans, and friends. God is enough and to want more is sinful to me.  What I do want more of is His word and a closer relationship with him. I've been called according to his will. I am grateful God put a desire in my heart to seek him and freed me from the yucky sins that still haunt me. I hope you can now understand me a bit better and understand my purpose is God's purpose.