Carrying One Another's Burdens

I believe in this Bible verse. I believe that you can take someone else's pain. I believe this because the I cried the least on Friday and Saturday. This was the time when friend's were praying and thinking of us. This was also the time I spent with family who was going through the same thing. Here are a few pics. We obviously didn't take pics during the sad times.
All ten of the cousins with their spouses, minus Sammy's hubs.

 This is my mom's best friend, Margo! She is amazing. She drove four hours, got a hotel room and sat during the whole visitation, ate dinner with us, then went to the funeral.  My mom was beyond happy to have her.  We all cried when we saw her...such a good friend thing to do.  Loyalty!

 This picture makes me cry! This is Joyce Anderson, she and Grandmother have been best friends four 60 years! They helped raise each other's kids and she babysat me! When I was little, I was close to her mother, Granny!  She lives across the street from Grandmother.  I saw her standing her, took this picture and went to ask her what she needed.  She said in a shaky voice, "Amanda, I just don't know what to do."  She is a widow and she and Grandmother talked every day.  I know she is so sad and devastated.  It broke my heart to know how lonely she will be.  Her family would sing carols to us every Xmas Eve growing up...they are part of our family!

 Tessa was a trooper telling ghost stories with the kids in the back!

 In grandmother's yard before we went over the church building.

 I am wearing a red jacket because, Grandmother LOVED red jackets.

 My precious Jamie! Oh she was my rock through this! I miss her so much, I am tearing up right now thinking of how much I miss her! Oh, I love her so!  Best cousin award!

 These are the four sisters and Madeline, grandmother's youngest sister.  She and Maudie are the only ones left of the five siblings! I love Madeline and always thought she was the most fun great aunt!

 The siblings with husbands.  Grandmother loved these men like her own children.  They loved her like their own mothers.  There has to be a correlation. 

 Dad's parents came! I cried hugging them...it was the first tears of the morning! It meant so much to us to have them there supporting us! Aunt Ria came too! Once again, they will never know how much it meant to us to have them at Grandmother's funeral.  It is beyond words.

 Pallbearers.

 Chad's parent's drove all the way over for the funeral too! I cannot tell you how big of a deal it was to see them there.  Not only are they part of our foundation, they were calmings in a storm.  I didn't expect them to come nor did I imagine they would take a whole Saturday to spend in a car for my grandmother whom they had only met once.. They did say they knew her through my stories of her. I guess I talk about her quite a bit...it is hard not to! Sandy brought some reading material for the family and it was such a help later in the weekend.  I cannot thank these darling in laws enough. I have super in laws! I love them to pieces.  Another cry while I write this! Sandy helped Kim watch the kids during the funeral, they went to the grave site, then gave us dinner on Monday night.  She has said the most comforting words and I have repeated them to other family members.  I am so blessed to have her as my MIL and friend.  Having in laws like this make me love Chad even more....I wonder if that makes sense??

 Mom and the Georgia(talk about a big hit)

 More family pics at dinner!

 Dad with his girls!

My favorite part of the weekend was after the funeral, before we went to the grave site.  It was just immediate family in the church with Grandmother and some of us spoke. It was my first time to speak at the podium of church;)   It was so sad because we are so bonded by this woman. My family is so close and connected with love because of our matriarch who is now with the True Foundation. I love my family so much and am ready to be on the road to acceptance.

The Truth on Friends

I am sure it is obvious I have been going through a tragedy. Some would say that we are suppose to prepare for a grandparent's death and expect it. I did both of those things and I still feel empty and sad. I know the process of grief and I am dealing. I had wonderful friends reach out to me through this saga, as I have been calling it. They sent precious texts, calls, offered help with the kids, messaged me, wrote on my wall and even offered to help clean my house! Like my house would need cleaning;)!  Comic relief there!  I haven't been through close family member death and I didn't know what to say or do or even what to ask for. I sent a text out after it happened to three of my friends. In hind site, I probably should have sent it out to a few others but, I was just in shock and not really certain how to ask or what to say. I sent this text out to my two besties from college and my closet most loyal friend here in Bentonville.  I didn't expect them to do anything, I just knew these friends who pray for me. K, you know who you are...I am so sorry I didn't text you..I don't know what I was thinking not sending it to you! I wasn't in my right mind and I know you are friend who would pray for me.  The first person to respond was my college roommate whom I met at camp in high school.  I could tell through her texts that she was sad for me.  She knew through living with me how close GG and I were. She knew this wasn't just any death...it was Grandmother Georgia!  She kept asking what she could do and really....I didn't know! Fast forward a few days and she is at the hotel before we even left on Saturday morning! She came to babysit the kids and just be there for me! As wonderful as it was to be there with family, there was some sense of comfort having an "outsider" there as "base" for me.  She watched the kids with my MIL(more later) and then went to the grave site with me.  She brought double doozies from the Cookie Factory....you know she knows me!  I don't know what made this so special to me?? The fact that she didn't have me ask her, she drove four hours away from precious weekend time with family, going to a funeral(no one wants to go to funerals), or the fact that she came ready to do what ever was needed! I can't put my finger on it but, it is exactly what I needed. I ended up riding with her and had the opportunity to vent. 

I was so happy to introduce her to everyone! Little did they know she knew the cast..just hadn't met them yet!

When she left, my mom was doing dishes and started talking about how special it was she came. We were so grateful! It was a need we didn't know we needed!  What a gift....such a gift! I feel so blessed to have her in my life. I know her as a loyal friend, she will always be there, she is no drama, she won't put new friends before me, she loves me no matter what phase I am going through.  I have learned a valuable lesson and I am so grateful.

I am not writing this to make anyone feel guilty, really it is just to acknowledge this service that was not expected! It means so much to me! I learned so many lessons through this! I learned what to do when tragedy hits....to do...not ask!  The truth on friends!

Thank you Kim! Thank you for just being  there!  You are so precious to me!



Dragging this Out

I am have been going through pictures from the funeral and notice that we are smiling in them...I feel so guilty posting them! I may have to wait a while but, I am so grateful for this blog to express these feelings that I can't seem to get across.  Although there is no doubt I will remember these days and the emotions I have been going through I might as well share with my readers...most of my readers are close family and friends who get this whole thing anyway.
I found out on Wednesday at the gym, I  lost it in the locker room..I could not get my composure....like bad. Mom called me...poor mom.  I grabbed the kids and drove home...crying! Harry asks over and over why I am crying. I finally just simply say "Grandmother Georgia went to Heaven and I am going to miss her"  He proceeds to tell me in the backseat that this is a great thing because she missed her daddy and he was in heaven. I remember Harry asking her about her dad at Christmas and it is true, she missed him terribly!   Oh my HARRY!  Love him!  I was still not able to control myself on the 10 minute drive home and my driving was TERRIBLE! Note to self...I am not a good drive under stressful situations!  I got a call and answered it without looking and it was my friend Amy. It was perfect timing.  I felt bad because I hadn't even called Chad to tell him and she called in the middle of my melt down.  It was a God thing! I mean really...she was able to console me and get me back to reality! 
I called Chad...he immediately came home and cried with me on the phone...although I wasn't in any talking mood.  Dad called me during this and we cried together.  He loved her so much and understood our relationship and how special we were to each other. It was a dark moment.
My MIL called...she works for hospice and knew the exact words to say! I have more love for her now than I ever have and she and FIL play a key role later in this saga.
I cried all night Wednesday....I am talking all night! I woke up crying and got in the shower crying. I was up before the kids and I got in the shower. I had Pandora on and "Aint No Sunshine When She's Gone" came on! Cue movie scene of me hitting the shower and yelling "No, not yet, I wasn't ready" and sitting in the shower pouring tears! Chad had just left.  The day was fine, I cried off and on and ended up skipping yoga to find spanx so I could fit into my dress for the funeral....
Went to lunch with four of my girlfriends...easy because they talked about their trips and stuff....as much as I love them I felt like I wanted to scream "Don't you know the most amazing woman died yesterday!"  I know they can't possibly understand the feelings I am going through and really they were doing me good by not letting me just sit in my ball of self pity.  I mean...who knows exactly what to say?
I had not talked ot my siblings..I knew it would be too hard. I called Em....it was dry then we both cried...just cried...dark moment.
Paul called me..I was for some reason stoic??? I don't know why! He called and cried...I knew he was devastated! He loved her so much and I couldn't even console him....what was wrong with me?
I cry and cry and cry all the way to Poughkeepsie...I just couldn't get to my mother quick enough! 
We arrive Grandmother's house empty dark and music playing.  Can you guess what song?  "Georgia On My Mind"!  It was bad...dark dark moment!  That house was my harbor, my safe place, my territory, my holidays, my memories, the home of my second mother and best friend!  The home of the most extraordinary woman I have ever known or met.   I don't know what will take it's place? I just don't know...I hate the unknown!
My closest family came.  Mom and dad first...then Joyce, Jamie, and Sherry!  It was bittersweet seeing them....we all cried and then laughing came.  It was a God thing for them to be the first to get there.  Jamie and I are bonded in our adoration for GG.  Joyce understands me and of course Sherry is pure love. This is when family makes loss so much easier. 
I kept thinking I wish Grandmother could see us all together laughing about memories!

Through all of this I received an overwhelming amount of messages with close friends condolenses.. I read them all twice and I truly believe the prayers carried me through Friday.  I learned that no matter how hard it is to tell someone you are sorry for their loss, it is so important.  You can never assume they are okay..or assume they are fine.  A note means so much even from people who I haven't talked to in years.   I can't wait to talk about my BFF...I will never be able to repay her for the gesture she bestowed on me in the darkest time of my life.  She gets me. She knew. 
Everything has been in slow motion. Seeing her body was not the worst...it didn't even look like her...although peaceful.  Harry didn't understand.  He asked if her casket was a rocketship to shoot her to heaven.  So hard to explain this stuff.
I am dealing well, I know when I get ready to call and check on her or ask her for a recipe, I will struggle. When I talk about her in one of the classes I teach....it will be hard.  I discuss her with every class I teach...her influence on me and my love for education is huge.
I did check FB and got that whole feeling again that the world should stop and acknowledge this great woman who influenced people to do their best and make the world a better place died!  I just want to scream "Do you not know??" It makes me angry...why?  I need to get off FB!  I have been off of it actually and when I got on it someone wrote about their bad day "DO THEY NOT KNOW?"  Talk about perspective!  I mostly regret the lack of sympathy I have had towards friends and family who have lost loved ones. I hope I have the opportunity to encourage and support the people who have carried me through this darkness. It comes and goes...like they say. I worry, I worry about my mom, my family, my kids.  I want so badly for Georgia Kelley to sit at GG wisdom and soak up her amazing ability to make you feel like you are perfect yet, encourage you to go beyond what you thought you could do.  I am afraid she will never know who special her name is....the legacy! I want her to love her name...own it! I am so scared she will think she was named after a "grandmother"! I hope HOPE HOPE HOPE she can see that GG wasn't just a grandmother! She was an extraordinary woman who worked hard and sacrificed to give her family opportunities.  Her story is beyond what you read in biographies and autobiographies! I just want to scream "Do you people realize what was living in that little house in that little town in this little state!!She was extradorinary! She put five kids through college on a teachers salary with noting! She insisted they made their success without lying, stepping on others, and cheating!  She pushed with love and wisdom.  I will finish this saga of loss....on a later time. I hope I don't sound bitter. The preacher said it at her funeral.  She may not have bridges and roads named after her but, she moved this world....she made this world better and she made me better. It was a pure gift from God that I had the opportunity to know her and be her friend.

Extraordinary Left

I cleaned up my phone and this is the only pic of Grandmother that was on it!
Words cannot describe the emptiness I have felt since I found out Wednesday that my beloved Grandmother Georgia past on to be with her king. I have been surrounded by love with this loss. I am so grateful for those who know how hard this is for me. You see, my GG and I were more than close we were best friends who adored each other!! I spent a huge amount of time at her house when I was young and her belief and value system is imprinted in me. My memories with her are very vivid in my mind and I can only hope I can keep them long enough to pass on to my babies. She would take me on picnics all the time! We would walk to the cliffs or river and lay out our basket and have tea, sliced tomatoes with pepper and salt, ham sandwiches with lettuce, chips, and there was always a dessert! I laugh because when I take my kids on picnic it is alway a opportunity for photo ops! Grandmother savored every moment with me and gave nothing else her attention.
Every meal and snack was an event. We used cloth napkins, coasters, never paper plates, and place mats! We sat at the table and ate together.
She read and told me zillions of stories fiction and nonfiction.
She never made me feel like a inconvenience. I was the most important person when I was in her presence.
She taught me how to cook although I still call her weekly for a tip and in the last few years I have had the op to share them with her.
She taught me to be a hard worker and to do whatever I am doing to the best of my ability.
Most of all she taught me the importance of education, love for learning, desire for reading and all this in the days where research didn't support these teachings!! She was brilliant!!
Hot chocolate by the fire!
Scrabble tournaments
Old Maid card games
Math lessons
Flat woods church house
Catfish fries at MLs house(her bro she is buried by)
She thought I was the most amazing singer ever and I can't carry a tune!!
Long walks on the look out for mean dogs
Her clock always chiming
Lonesome Dove
Country Music
Charleston Dance(she taught me)
She quoted poems and play lines from her early childhood at this last Thanksgiving. She knew her sibling's lines too!!
She was classy humble and kind. She pushed her family to do their very best. If you know her family, you will see they did!! A successful group in deed!
She never ever told a lie! It was absolutely unacceptable to lie.
She came from nothing to something and she was extraordinary. She is loved admired and missed.
Our picnic place!





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Argh Matey' Cupcakes!

What towe do when we are snowed in??

Bake!

 Making her own recipe!

 Looking for treasure!

Party

We spent Saturday night hanging with some of our pals! It just so happens that we are the only ones who don't live in this neighborhood! Good time with good friends. It is such a small world!

 The guys are cracking me up, I promised them I wouldn't ask again if they would just take one picture! See what I got!

We had a great time and loved that we got to celebrate Matt's birthday...although he wouldn't call it a birthday party.  The kids stayed the night at their cousin's house...so lucky to have them!  Good times with good friends....laughed and laughed and laughed!

Snow Day Not So Good

My kids were not big fans of this year's snow day! 

 She begged to go outside...but once the door opened....she was done!

Harry didn't even want to stay out there!  One snowball and he was done!

iPhone Catchup

Cousins playing in El Do church!





My kids loved these monkeys from our pals the Hunters!!





If your child doesn't have a Tag reader they are missing out!




The Welborns had us over for a play-date and GK followed Cruz around the whole time!! So cute!!


Harry is in a hot chocolate lovin phase!




She loves pulling her bows!






She does not like doctor visits!!





So I mentioned before the whole leading the bible study at the church... Well Kathy and I decided to set up a little table to represent the party King Xersus had!! Oh boy!! Would you believe there were women who would NOT drink the sparkling grape juice?? Oh dear!! We were just trying to make it fun! I think it went well.





Ninja life!






We will never get her off these steps.





What a good time we had at the Tiger ballgame!! We had pizza before with the matherlys!! Can you tell my kids LOVE these peeps!!






























I have mentioned before Harry loves Carebears. He loves the one his Aunt Amy gave him. On our way to drop our kids off at their house. We have a celebration to attend.











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Rambling

I am sure everyone already knows about this amazing product but I have to share my favorite thing!  This powder is the only product to actually bring POOF to my flat stringy hair.  My mom and sister are the best at getting me hair products!  I don't think I can ever go without this again!  LOVE LOVE LOVE! It puts texture into your hair and you don't have to wash it as much:) 

 Harry and I are in love with this show.  We are watching it from the first season! Harry's favorite cake so far is the Easter Bunny cake, mine is the Candy Land cake!  Harry asked me to make one like Buddy's...okay.

 My MIL got this book for Harry last year at Valentine's Day and we are on our third go through! I am moved every time we read it! It is a must buy for every little kid!

 So my friend Kathy and I have been praying for our women's ministry at church for the last few months.  We have actually been praying with some other friend as well.  I was thinking more on the lines of one big event a year....not something I have to commit to!  Well, long story short, one of the leaders of our ministry..whom I though didn't even like my "wild" ways of Christianity called me to ask if Kathy and I would lead the ladies bible study on Wed. morning over Beth Moore's Esther!  I have done the study before...I say that very lightly because my commitment level is very low to anything with too much homework! Sad considering that I teach college classes with assignments mostly done outside of class!  Anyway, I am not really thinking that teaching women is my calling. I am not a model Christian but, it is in God's hands! 
On another note! I am in desperate need of a girl's night out!  Maybe even a weekend! I wonder if I am the only one who gets in to winter ruts!

So, there is my rambling for now...I was sick of the "I never" post!